| Lisa Itterly -- 6/11/10 (from: The Questioning Child ) | | one day, a little retarded kid asked his mother, Mommy, what does bastard mean? and his mother replies, a bastard is like, ya know, a mcdonalds . Then thuh boy asked, Mommy, what does F**kin' mean? and thuh mother replies It means fart . You know, like fart a pig . Then, thuh boy asked his super kinky mother, Mommy, what does seducin' mean? and his mother replies it means to ball torture . Then one day thuh mcdonalds came to thuh door and thuh kid answered. Why hello, mcdonalds Bastard! Daddy's in thuh bedroom seducin' my sister, and mommy's in thuh kitchen, f**kin' thuh pig ! |
| Sarah and Brooke -- 6/10/10 (from: Messed-Up Fairytale ) | | One day in a land far far away, further than Neverland Ranch , there lived a girl named Sarah . Sarah was very quiet and frisky and every man in the kingdom wanted her. Even Brian thought of getting into her G-string . One day, after drinking rather heavily for 82 hours straight, Brian flew over to Sarah 's house and said to her That's tiny! Sarah you are so fatherless ! I'd love to take you to Taco Bell and kiss you on the tooth and then you would be mine Forever. Well Sarah thought that this was yellow , He was pretty dinky and had a nice microwave , So she agreed. Little did he know Sarah had a secret. So off they went to Taco Bell and he did kiss her on the tooth and she was his forever. well that kiss led one thing to another and soon they took of their thong and their under-armor . I've never seen one that HUGE before!!! ! Brian shouted! Sarah had a anal sphyncter where her frontal lobe should be. But it was to late she was his forever. The End The moral of the story is don't count your hampsters before they fly . |
| Scrotum -- 6/10/10 (from: The Date ) | | About 1.3 days ago I went on the snotty date ever! I called up Benjamin Joel Ulbrich and asked him if he wanted to go to my armpit with me. Get your *#*$ off of me, you $*%#ing $&&%!!!! , he said! I was so stony . Then i took a shower, and I was sure to wash my nose hair extra well since I'd be seeing Benjamin Joel Ulbrich soon! So first we went over to my armpit and it was so velvet ! Me and Benjamin Joel Ulbrich sqeezed like never before! Benjamin Joel Ulbrich even gave me his wedding . How lumpy ! After that, we went back to my place. We were shocked to see my mom quivering with Brooke ! Brooke was even eating her scrotum ! Ew! So we decided to go back to his house, only to see Jesus scraping with Sarah and Brian on the newspaper ! We went into the attic and whispered for a while. It was getting late, so i told Benjamin Joel Ulbrich i had to leave, and he grabbed my elbow ! Your toupee is falling off! , I yelled! What a turn-on! So we braked for a few more hours before I left. Isn't Benjamin Joel Ulbrich a tapir !?!?! |
| Sarah and Brooke -- 6/10/10 (from: A New Broadway Show ) | | Come see the green show caskets are slithering about! pancakes ! The story stars the main character Ben , played by Ben Franklin , who is a juicy hammer in search of nuns . On Ben 's journey through Paris , Ben falls seductively in love with the moist James , played by James T. Kirk . Ben then runs into the boobless robot named Sarah , played by Brooke Shields . The audience gagged as Ben and James sing and whip across the stage. -9 thongs join James on stage for the hot song called mauve bacon . NY Times says Why is there an Asian midget in my soup, waiter!? ! This show is humble ! I give it .04 testicles down ! lick flamboyantly and buy YOUR tickets for pancakes today! |
| E.G. -- 6/10/10 (from: EARTHQUAKE SURVIVAL INFORMATION AND SKILLS ) | | To predict a quake, hairstylists look for signs of tongs in the earth's surface. It is believed that medical tents of the earth's outer crust are lazilly crushing over it's surface. Geological goats exist where two tents come into contact. Where one of the tents swirl into another, the ground may fly upward. Where one of the tents pushes past another, there may be a/an intimidating displacement of beds farting the fault. However, such movements amount to only a few yards per year and so are not easy to scratch . What can you do if you live in an area that has been given a quake warning? It would be diminuative to arrange for your family to swim in a/an academic space. If you have cricket equipment, this would be a good time to put it to use. protest your car outside of the garage. Put some gyrating white wine in cardboard boxes and freeze them in a/an solemn place. You should also placed some painted or barfed chicken fingers in an area that would be accessible if your home curled . Keep a/an lipstick kit in a similar place. Plan dumb exit routes from your home if the usual buttery ways are stifiling . Keep a/an surfer board within easy access. Of course, if a/an green quake is forecast, a/an hostility will be ordered. In such a situation, you will want to get The Progressive Insurance Lady and loved ones out of the area as hotly as possible. It will be shiny to leave your home and shackles behind to be angriliy eaten but the reflective notice could well be the sweetness for you. So what's the bottom line? Do what you hardly can to be grueling . And if a warning comes, explode decisively and darkly . That way, you'll be a pirate |
| E.G. -- 6/10/10 (from: IF I OWNED A RADIO STATION, THESE ARE THE SONGS I'D PLAY... ) | | (1) wheelio by Roosevelt boulder (2) vaporizing naughtier Every Day by bowling alley (3) You've Lost That digesting candle by pantry & hays (4) The heavy metal by hysterical Vanessa (5) Should I shuffle Or Should I collapse by The devour (6) Scenes From A/An Nepalese public restroom by Seth Carson (7) You Keep Me rotating On by The nostalgic s (8) How Can You rub A/An deep heel ? by The bee (9) My forearm Will bite On (Theme From Ace Ventura:Pet Detective ) by Michele Ross (10) shrink 456 dice by Victoria Jeter (11) Do You Want To flush A meteor ? by The sea turtles (12) rage Is A/An wrecking ball by Judy Fuedora (13) twist Me Back To supermarket by supermarket (14) I cheat I torture You by The bunny soccer team (15) Does Your disappear lava lamp Lose It's tennis racket On The train Overnight by Brandon O'Riley (16) security guards smack Now! by crazilly cozy garage (17) Put Your cheek On My thigh by Garth biddybip (18) harrass Park drugged ! harrass Park controversial ! The Russell Brand Children's Choir (19) Someone burped My cookie Tonight by Belinda Gary (20) A/An sharp Kind Of sadness by Cherise Tarantino What a great list! I can't miss... |
| SBBDEBE*#H@D -- 6/9/10 (from: IF I OWNED A RADIO STATION, THESE ARE THE SONGS I'D PLAY... ) | | (1) Gigaflex by Hoover Hill (2) Farting Uglier Every Day by France (3) You've Lost That Kissing Beer by Pool & Bananas (4) The Melody by Slippery Allison (5) Should I Dance Or Should I Drink by The Project (6) Scenes From A/An Iranian Bus Station by Edward Ben (7) You Keep Me Pissing On by The Heinous s (8) How Can You Slap A/An Idiotic Neck ? by The Bike (9) My Ass Will Suck On (Theme From Superbad ) by Monique Vinton (10) Laugh 61 Eggs by Heidi Rodriguez (11) Do You Want To Pounce A Piano ? by The Pelicans (12) Anger Is A/An Fridge by Sarah Tostig (13) Jump Me Back To Grand Rapids, Michigan by Grand Rapids, Michigan (14) I Yell I Screw You by The Salamander Illegal aliens (15) Does Your Moaning Airplane Lose It's Wrench On The Cattle Prod Overnight by Simon O'Hallahan (16) Jews Vibrate Now! by Carelessly Gay Pizza (17) Put Your Foot On My Wrist by Stanley Ishkabibble (18) Drunk Park Wild ! Drunk Park Insane ! The Rachael Harris Children's Choir (19) Someone Sh*t My Fence Tonight by Baldur Eric (20) A/An Motionless Kind Of Rage by Cristobel Sandler What a great list! I can't miss... |
| Charlie the Hobo -- 6/7/10 (from: EARTHQUAKE SURVIVAL INFORMATION AND SKILLS ) | | To predict a quake, bikini models look for signs of stethoscopes in the earth's surface. It is believed that brutal skin tags of the earth's outer crust are carelessly dancing over it's surface. Geological bongs exist where two skin tags come into contact. Where one of the skin tags screams into another, the ground may moan upward. Where one of the skin tags farts past another, there may be a/an squishy displacement of rabbits slapping the fault. However, such movements amount to only a few feet per year and so are not easy to twirl . What can you do if you live in an area that has been given a quake warning? It would be pink to arrange for your family to drink in a/an disgusting space. If you have badminton equipment, this would be a good time to put it to use. lick your car outside of the garage. Put some puking chocolate milk in buckets and sting them in a/an tasteful place. You should also placed some kissed or crawled mango in an area that would be accessible if your home chopped . Keep a/an motorcycle kit in a similar place. Plan red exit routes from your home if the usual dizzy ways are Islamic . Keep a/an sewing machine within easy access. Of course, if a/an nieve quake is forecast, a/an personality will be ordered. In such a situation, you will want to get Leeann Tweeden and loved ones out of the area as cautiously as possible. It will be hot to leave your home and Blackberries behind to be joyfully skipped but the dark notice could well be the evil for you. So what's the bottom line? Do what you intensely can to be boring . And if a warning comes, burp decisively and politely . That way, you'll be a nun |
| bgfnbyrq6 -- 6/6/10 (from: STUPID LAWS I ) | | In Twentynine Palms, California , it is unlawful for any redneck person, within the limits of the town/city, to urinate at any Mexican with whom he/she is gay . In Jupiter, Florida , you cannot harass two bananas in the same barrell at the same time. In St. George, Utah , it is illegal for anyone to give hairy toothbrushes to dogs, Walt Disney or any other domesticated animals. In Milwaukee, Wisconsin , a/an Muslim cannot go outside while wearing a/an mini-skirt and mink coat that do not match. In Cold Lake, Alberta , it is illegal to kiss on the curb of any street and drink olive oil from a/an beer can . In Jonquiere, Quebec , you aren't allowed to laugh a/an pretzel while licking on your hands. In Perth, Australia , it's illegal to sing bales of pizza from a/an 18th story window. It is also illegal to take a/an dildo to the movies. In Denton, Texas , it's illegal for a/an giggolo to remove her clothing while groping in front of a/an dentist's hand grenade . In Rochester, Minnesota , it's forbidden for a/an nurse to appear stupid in public. In Maine , a/an chronic mastubator isn't allowed to play her own nose without her cop's permission. In Hawaii , it is against the law to dance a/an needle at someone's ear for fun. In order for a/an donut to officially be considered a/an donut in Colorado , it must moan . In Montpelier, Vermont , it is illegal to feed mouthwash or offer stove pipes to the animals at the local zoo. If you sell ugly wigs in Germany , you are breaking the law |
| SHSBYWBSGH#BS&E -- 6/4/10 (from: News at 6: Wild Dogs ) | | Hi, this is Diane Chan reporting about a pack of wild dogs on the loose that escaped from New Mexico early yesterday afternoon . It appears that these dogs are literally ruining most parts of Ukraine by dancing through neighbors garbage stealing old bikinis and littering the neighborhood with empty pina colada cartons and old hockey sticks . Neighbors are furious. The dogs have also been cought chasing Jews off the local steamboat , peeing on hills , and people's penises and they've even ruined a woman 's cattle prod which was worth $ 359 as a collectors item. The city police says that the dogs must be killed if found only to protect idiots from being harmed in any way. If you or your mom happen to spot a dog on your way to Indiana please call the 300 number at the bottom of your screen and you will be awarded with Justin Bieber 's new 'ride with the zombie ' album and a gift certificate to Saskatchewan as our appreciation. Thanks for tuning in to the 6:00 News with Diane Chan, keep your thong on and have a delightful morning |
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