| Bre and Stevi -- 7/9/10 (from: Bad Trip ) | | One night I was riding my smurfy Stevi and Breanna it was so Hi! ! When we got back to the the mall I took off my smurfy flip flops because I was so yellow , soo yellow that I turned on the iPad . How smurfy! Just hearing that crackle made me feel jump I couldn't control myself from going out and leaping my smurfywhole Kiss over and over again, but just as I was about to fishing Sean I woke up in a pile of Fudge Bars and I realized that it was a Pink concert of Kiss I screamed Stop! ! Then I throw my smurfypants and found a photo of Jimmy smurfy along with Marijuana . SMURFY! That Is why I was Don't ! I said aloud that is smurfily when Police woman came and arrested me. Smurfilicious! The End??? Or Was IT??? |
| story -- 7/9/10 (from: **The Letter** ) | | Hey Samantha , Remember I told you my parents were gonna be away for the next Friday ? Well, guess what?! they got a/an journalist to be in charge while they were gone. The journalist 's name was Obama , you might know who they are. Well, he had Marcus over. (Your Marcus !! Can you believe it?!) As always Marcus was drinking lots of jello , so he was acting really orange . Obama told me to go to my city hall because they wanted privacy. So, Marcus was yelling all over Obama 's neck, and touching his man-bag over and over again. Then I heard him say Obama you are so yellow and angry . Can i talk here tonight? he said Yes! What a/an noodles he is! They were so green , that the mr. jellobelly called 911, and the kangaroo 's came wildly . It was 500 minutes past 2 in the morning. I was running before they jumped in to our scyscraper . They searched the entire scyscraper for illegal cats . Both, Obama and Marcus 's Licenses were checked. Marcus was wanted for drinkin and driving . So the sharks hauled us all off to the police station. They took our leg prints. I felt very blue . So the kangaroo 's called my parents. They couldn't screamed me home by myself, since Obama was arrested for litering . he was also caught red head ed smoking some monkies . What a ated up time we had! Wish you could have been here! |
| Reggie -- 7/8/10 (from: Your Night At The Oscars ) | | You've been nominated for Best Actor for your role in Plains of Abraham . On Oscar night, Bill Murray & Kevin Costner announce the award for Best Actor goes to Reggie !! As you walk down the aisle, you trip over Kathleen Robertson 's ear . You finally stumble onto the stage. You thank your uncle , your idol Quentin Tarantino , who inspired you to go into screaming & then, as you walk back-stage, you trip over the trane of your designer scarf & fall into Leonardo DiCaprio 's eyelids ! Sheesh! ! However, Leonardo DiCaprio is quite attracted to your alarming ears and asks you to accompany him to Angelina Jolie 's Oscar party later that night. You carlessly accept! Later, at the party, you meet Ellen Page , Jessica Simpson & Helena Bonham Carter . In the ladies -room, you hear Eva Green & Tom Hanks talking trash about Barry Bostwick & you see Cher & Tiffany Thiessen making out in a stall! Back to the party. While stumbling around drunk, Dr. Phil spills transmission fluid all over you, pukes on your socks , and gropes your butt cheeks ; then he asks you to stick your Oscar up his ass ! What a d!ck !! But where's Leonardo DiCaprio , your date all this time? As you walk out, you see him singing with Matt Groening behind the bar! Ciao! !! Welcome to Hollywood!! |
| E.G. -- 7/8/10 (from: Please Help ) | | Immediately following 9/11, it seemed everyone was willing to donate wherever the need was craziest . However, lately, donations to charities & non-profit organizations have dropped off immediatly . So, various charities & non-profits are recruiting celebrities to encourage people to give. Such as: Beyonce for hot wax -abuse Bill Murrary & Robert Downey Jr. for diarreah awareness Jack Nicholson for Hudgins House - a rehab center for plasma users Nick Jonas & Madonna for poor Russian mafia Vivica A. Fox for out-of-work paramedics Tiger Woods & Bono for heel donation Sheryl Crow for Brazilian -war veterans Danny DeVito for bad a$$ -rights Lady Gaga & Matt Damon for the Endangered butterfly Association Marilyn Manson for the Carrey Institute For People With jaw Disorders |
| The Collector -- 7/7/10 (from: Please Help ) | | Immediately following 9/11, it seemed everyone was willing to donate wherever the need was wickedest . However, lately, donations to charities & non-profit organizations have dropped off brazenly . So, various charities & non-profits are recruiting celebrities to encourage people to give. Such as: Carrot Top for mouthwash -abuse Jessica Simpson & Ellen DeGeneres for leprosy awareness Bruce Willis for Meier House - a rehab center for benzene users Mariska Hargitay & Ellen Page for poor tree huggers Lindsay Lohan for out-of-work soccer hooligans Amanda Donohoe & Seth MacFarlane for ass donation Ashton Kutcher for Hungarian -war veterans Kevin Costner for Mennonite -rights Steven Spielberg & Barbra Streisand for the Endangered platypus Association Bradley Cooper for the Jones Institute For People With liver Disorders |
| hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -- 7/7/10 (from: Rebuilding Iraq ) | | President Sanderson & China 's Prime Minister, Justin Bieber announced today the plans for rebuilding Iraq. All liquor stores will be destroyed & wedding halls will be erected instead. Portia di Rossi will be made President after Iraq is re-named. The American & Hungarian people will choose the new name during April 6th . The choices are: heebeegeebee ; Little America; & Sanderson 's Land, after our drunk President. Some other changes: Iraqi chronic masturbators will no longer be forced to kiss ; Iraqi women will be able to go out in public without having to cover their balls with thongs ; and instead of violence, Iraqi children will be taught the three R's: reading, Ripping & Roid Rage . Take Me to the Kaptin will be their new National Anthem. Finally, their Independence Day celebration will be set for December 21st and this year, all guitars , laboratories , jugs , helicopters , etc. bearing Saddam's picture will be soaked with gin and burned in the new capital city of oogabooga . |
| E.G. -- 7/6/10 (from: At The Zoo ) | | Welcome to Oregon Zoo, I'm your silky tour guide, Christian Bale . Over here we have the exotic French Canadian emu . It is over 47 feet tall & has a icy disposition and it loves to eat raw beaver . Now over here we have a pair of Russian penguins . As you can see, the female is much wetter than the male. penguins are an endangered species in Morroco . They were almost hunted to extinction in the year 1748 for their prized cheeks . Next we have Japanese porqupines . porqupines are unique in that they mate in a humid way like no other creature on Uranus . The male sticks his armpit in the female's ankle and deposits large amounts of tar which her body then stains and in 73 months, you have a litter of baby porqupines . Here we have the national otter of Greece , the green - finger nail ed - magenta - skater . It lives in huts and can be tamed. In fact, Jonah Hill has one as a pet. Just beware, it farts on everything. Thank you for visiting the Oregon Zoo. Have a restless day! |
| E.G. -- 7/6/10 (from: Want to be a Wrestling Superstar... ) | | Then the first thing you need to come up with is a gritty name. Some suggestions might be: The orange humming bird , skimpy Ricki , The tray , The blurry conservative Republican , or even, The pinching scum bag Next, you will need to come up with some signature moves. These are just basically the same turrets everyone else uses, just with a older name. Some examples: The rafts of Montana , The grinding fly , The explode -inator, or even, The squeal of oppression . Then you need to come up with a parched motto or saying, like: Can you skip what I'm hiding , bimbo ?! , or even, drip on it!! Your almost tiny . You just need to make sure you're in smooth condition. Exercise your elbows every day. Lifting joystick will increase the mass of your chin & knees . And make sure you consume plenty of bourbon & chicken stir fry . And lay off the Oreos & Bud Light so you don't get too intimidating . Well, now you're racist . With any restlessness , you'll be as famous a wrestler as Jake or Chuck . Well, whoopty doo!!! ! |
| E.G. -- 7/6/10 (from: Law & Order Overload ) | | You think 3 Law & Order shows is too much? Check out all the new ones NBC is airing this fall: Law & Order: syringe Inspectors Unit starring Quentin Tarantino Law & Order: newspaper kiosk Patrol starring Lady Gaga & Bruce Willis Law & Order: raunchy gang of bikers Unit starring Bozo the Clown Law & Order: Major pillows Unit starring Uma Thurman & Samuel L. Jackson Law & Order: bowling alley Security Unit starring Danny Trejo Law & Order: moped Patrol starring Martha Stewart & Missy Elliot Law & Order: castle Control Unit starring Charlize Theron Law & Order: flannel shirt Inspection Team starring Sean Paul Law & Order: Cops On dachsund -back starring Robert Rodriguez And D. Wolf's Law & Order Reality Series- Law & Order: Canada Park Rangers Uncensored |
| Steven Anderson -- 7/6/10 (from: Wanna Be a Guitar Hero? ) | | Don't wait another minute to get your arms on the slickest music video game of the year: accordian Hero 5 . Using the special desk shaped controllers, you can play through over 4 huge songs. Classic hits such as Pour Some cars On Me and Smells Like super triceratops . scampered your violin by activating gawky power to get over 9 bonus points! Plus you can create your own character with tons of awesome features. Change your character's nose color and shirt style by earning blue dollars in paperweight mode. So gather your friends and start your own fabulous band with accordian Hero 5 . Available at Macy's for the low price of 3 dollars. Rated m for fine lyrics and calculator usage. |
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