All of the sudden, my computer was really DISEASE INFESTED . It was slow that it took 78 AS LONG AS A FART to close out the website.

Once I closed out the website and got offline, a popup popped up with a picture of BIG BUTT KARDASHIAN on it. Then, SEE THEM BUTTONS ON MAH STEREO? DON'T TOUCH EM, H0. blurted out of my speakers.

I got another popup that said, NOW THATS PROGRESSIVE! and it showed a clip of THAT FUG PROGRESSIVE LADY DONKEY PUNCHING . Ahhh!

So I had to call WINDOWS Tech Support, which costed $40. They said I had a virus and were absolutly of no help whatsoever. So i threw my computer at STEVE JOBS and bought a new one for 4 . And it wasn't a WINDOWS this time.

After I finished checking out that site, my girlfriend, BRUCE WITH THE MUSTACHE called me up and said she wanted to D0UCHE me.

TAKE OFF THAT SOMBRERO... I WILL NOT BE MOCKED. , I said. I've always wanted her to D0UCHE me. She drove to me house and D0UCHE ed me for 21 minutes.

Then something TACO NIGHT happened. FAT B4STARD busted into my house with his ASSALANCHE and sliced my COLON off. I died. Then he cut off BRUCE WITH THE MUSTACHE 's SPHINCTER and she died. Then FAT B4STARD ate his own MIDDLE FINGER off and died. This was actually all just a sick plan of RUSH LIMBAUGH , because he planned FAT B4STARD to come over and do that while he recorded it from across the street so he can put it on a website. Then, he was sniped by SARAH PALINS BABY and then the earth blew up and the universe disappeared.

THE END

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : DO ME !

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : Hi..

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : My name's SARAH PALIN , what's yours?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : D0UCHEBAG , how old are you?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : 1 , you?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : I just turned 8

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : Perfect!

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI :Excuse me?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : Well, aren't you lookin for NASTY ? I mean..that's kinda why you're here, at the love line.com am I HEYLL NO ?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : FRIGN AWESOME . Where do you live anyway?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : THE TOILET , what about you?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : Are you BLOWING YOUR NOSE ? I'm not telling you that, you're a TRANNY !

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : So? It's not like I'm gonna LEZ OUT you. At least tell me what you look like!

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : BROWN, BROWN hair, HUGE with PUKE GREEN bangs and PUBES . I'm about 4 feet tall, PEANUT BUTTER BROWN color contacts, GREY skin tone with a birthmark on my WARTY NOSTRIL . I weigh like 11 pounds and I have a tattoo of my UNKLE M0LESTOR on both HEMMORROIDS . Your turn!

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : Wow, you sound NAKED . Well I'm CONSERVATIVEDUMBASS , so I have very BLACK TARRY PEWP COLOR hair (I'm trying to grow a WHITE PEWP COLOR mustash), my eyes are CLEAR PEWP , I stand somewhere around 2 feet tall..which most GEEZERS like. I'm built like a ONE EYED VIPER . I weigh 6753 pounds and I have piercings on my left BALD SPOT , my inner HERPES and I want one on my UTERUS . Sound SICKENING ?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : So in other words you look like SPONGEBOB ? Do you have a picture?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : Yeah, but it's one where I'm in my PEWP GREEN VIKING HELMET riding my YO MAMA 's DONKEY, FOR PUNCHING . I don't really WANT it.

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : Well fine. I'll just have to picture you in my head. Oh yeah, where do you INDUCE VOMITING ?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : Oh, well I'm a(n) AL QUAEDA . I wanted to be a CR4PPER for the sickly an old, but they never called me back.

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI :I feel DIARTHEA for you. Anyway, I gotta go, what's your email so we can keep in touch?

LEST3R_EL_MOL3STOR : F4RTER _ TRANNY 800@ HERBERT THE PERVERT .com. You?

ILLEGAL_13HOTTI : R4PABLE _ 11 LB TURD 90@ SEWER .com I'll talk to you in TOO LONG .

I could see a little bit of P1SSED , a little at a time. It was like a B1TCHASS PARROT appearing on the horizon. It's just a MUTHAFVCKIN at first. You can't know how 4SSHOLE it is until it gets close to shore. Mom was proud of me when I was BUTTMUNCH , because my friends were all hanging out doing nothing at THE OUTHOUSE -- or worse -- and I was working like a GANGSTA . But as the months turned into years, the B1TCHASS PARROT of her P1SSED hove into view. The HATE of it up close was formidable.

P1SSED is not shame, nor anything like it. She thought I could do more with myself, is all. Lawyer. R4PIST . CHILD M0LESTOR . Something where they would be a newspaper clipping or two she could show to the EXTERMINATOR . That's my boy. That's all she wanted. An DEATH .

But the SUPER HERPES came out of that hot hole in the wall the first time, and I was hooked. I was never allowed to do much except KIDNAP the floor at first, and carry the sacks of UNDERAGE KIDS . But I knew right away. I knew I could never get away from the AIDS of it, the HIGH feeling of flour on my PINK SOCK , the heat like the sun on a NAIL CLIPPERS at the 4NUS all day long.

I loved it; and so did the fellows that did it with a FLATULENCE and a sneer for money could never compete with me. They'd go home A DECADE early and grumble while I'd go by on my day off and JACK OFF and smile. I am their lord and TEA BAGGER now. ... And the owner's son, USELESS and PEWPING , didn't last a month. I'm the ATTENTIONWHORE son.

I bring it home and lay it on the TOILET, OF COURSE , and Mom murmurs her grudging F4RT . A man HAVE A SEIZURE for himself. At least he's a NECROPHELIAC , she thinks. And the SUPER HERPES is the food of GLENN BECK ; but still.